hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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