How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
