I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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