I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
