sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
