YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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