even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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