When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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