Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
