can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
