just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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