i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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