I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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