yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The best revenge is premature balding
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
