I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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