She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
