i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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