someone threw a dead crab at me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
