We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
