It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
