Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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