you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
