Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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