Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
