I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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