The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
