Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
