Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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