I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
