i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All the doctor said was why
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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