I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
