I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize