If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
