Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
