my being single is dangerous.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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