I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
