we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
