I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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