I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
