I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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