I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
