Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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