Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
