I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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