Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize