Fuck appropriateness.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
