Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
