didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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