Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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