Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
