So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
