Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
