You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
