College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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