OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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