He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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