At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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