Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize