Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's get the cat blown out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
