Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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