the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
