I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is wine microwaveable?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
