if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
