you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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