In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
