We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
