Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
soo... how was my night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
