Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
vagina is talking i cant
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
