Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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