listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
