No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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