I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
